My Best Life

Do you ever go through life wondering how other people do it? Do other mothers make mistakes, have breakdowns, sick days, Mac and Cheese for dinner? Do other mothers cry in the shower, spend extra time on the toilet just for some peace and quiet, or forget to pick up their kids from school?

So often we only see what others want us to see, super mom. Guess what though, no one is perfect! It’s sometimes a difficult fact to accept, because we all want to be the perfect parent and have the perfect child.

For years so many people called me super mom, good I was so far from it, I can’t even explain how far from super mom I am. First off, I am a terrible house keeper. I am always sick, like always! I catch everything, I should probably live in a bubble. I don’t know how to punish my kids and stick to it, luckily they are pretty good kids. I can go on, but I really don’t want to list every fault I have as a parent. Frankly, there’s too many.

Recently one of my biggest issues has been my memory. This is partly due to my illness, partly due to the medication I take for my illness. I repeat myself constantly and forget everything. Matter of fact by the time I finished the last paragraph, I had already forgotten my point.

I’m in a few online support groups for chronic illness. In these groups various topics are discussed. One that I’ve seen fine up a few times is parents concerned about letting their children down. I think this is something we all worry about, physical illness, mental illness, or healthy parent. We all want to do right by our children.

Recently I’ve been seeing mothers asking for support. They’ve been struggling with their teenage children. Something we all go through. We always give the advice that we do our best, every parent goes through this. Although this isn’t always what we as parents feel. Often we question what have we done wrong? How do I fix this?

I recall being very distant from my mother when I was in my teens well into my twenties, maybe even into my thirties. I thought I knew it all. Why did she have to get into my business so much, have an option on everything? After all I was an adult! I knew what in was doing.

Well now I’m in my forties and my mom is my best friend. She still has an opinion, she still doesn’t agree with me on everything, but she loves me, she supports me and is always here for me and I am for her.

She will be 79 next month and I sure wish I didn’t waste all those years being mad at her. She might not have known it all (but she knew most of it), she most definitely did have the right to her opinion. After all she birth me, raised me the best she could and didn’t leave me in the shopping cart when I was crying like a little jerk. No, she came home and cried in the shower, after she made me Mac and Cheese for dinner.

So next time you wonder if you’re the only parent about to have melt down, just know it’s been happening since the dawn of time. No parent is perfect, no child is perfect and we all try our best. It okay, you’re doing okay, your kid is doing okay. Have that glass of wine, that chocolate bar and that cry in the shower.

Most of all continue to live your best life.

Xoxo

Charlotte

I can’t believe summer is over and I haven’t made a post since the end of May. First off, I’m sorry I just left with no word of what was going on. As you know it’s very important for me to stay positive and well I wasn’t really doing that the past few months. At least it didn’t feel like it.

I felt like a hot mess, my health was declining both mentally and physically. I’ve been dealing with chronic daily migraines that have been, well debilitating. I’ve changed primary care physicians, and he is absolutely amazing in helping me navigate through this crazy world of chronic illness. I have some new specialist appointments in the upcoming months, due to new and not so fun symptoms. Maybe I’ll go into that more, once I know more. Anyways it’s been a struggle.

Okay so let’s talk some happy things. We had a family trip to Orlando. Shawnee, our 16 year old dance with her dance group in Disney World and we had a blast. My family is amazing at dealing with my limitations and walking at my pace or taking breaks as needed. We ducked into shops when I needed some A/C and they didn’t laugh at me too much for my funny little neck fan that I wore to keep cool.

After our family trip, Shawnee went with her big sister Jorden for the rest of summer to Las Vegas. Which meant with James away at work Lucas and I spent the summer together. Man what an amazing kid he is. My last baby turn 13 and I am so proud of the little man he’s becoming.

Mom also visited a few times. We decided between her health and my health that she needs to move closer to me. Currently she’s about 4 hours away, so this fall she will be moving about 15 minutes away from me. It will be no e to have her so close. I think we both need eachother.

Anyways today I had an appointment with a mental health specialist/social worker in my health care clinic. It was supposed to be a 20 minute meeting and well it lasted closer to an hour. During the appointment. Tom, my worker, shared that he thought I was such an inspiration. After hearing of all me medical concerns and diagnosis, as well as my mental concerns, he shared that he was inspired by my positive attitude, smiling face, joking sense of humor and more, when most people would crack. This is something I needed to hear, and not from my loved ones, from a professional. I needed this validation. I needed reminding that I have so much to be grateful for and that I really am grateful, even if I don’t realize it. I haven’t wanted to share the past few months, but that’s exactly what I needed to do.

I don’t know if I’ll share as often as I was before, but I am back. We all have to live or best life, even if we don’t think we can.

Xoxo

Charlotte

This morning during my regular routine I was watching a motivational Video. It talked about following your dreams. This is something I’ve always been big on. I even have dream/believe ambigram tattoo.

So often we think of what we want to do, who we want to be and chalk it up to dreams. Well every successful person out there started with a dream. So if they can accomplish it, why can we?

Don’t even think you are good enough, smart enough, or whatever, cause you are. Reach for the stars, believe in your dreams and anything can happen.

Take a few moments everyday and reflect on your dreams. Think about how, when, why and then believe you can do it. Dream up your best life and make it happen.

Xoxo

Charlotte

My entire life and before people have fought for equal rights. A big fight right now is LGBQT+ and let’s hope that one day people can just be people and all have equality.

It really wasn’t that long ago when the fight was for women’s right to vote, the fight against segregation. These all seemed like huge steps forward in equality.

Now this week, Alabama passed an anti-abortion law. This takes away women’s rights. Some fight that they are protecting the babies rights, but if that’s the case you have to look at it as a baby isn’t viable until at least 24 weeks gestation. Therefore it’s not actually a baby, it’s an organism. Are we going to stop treating disease because they are living organisms and have rights? I know that’s a harsh compassion, but try and look at it scientifically instead of emotionally.

The fact is a 12 year old rape or incest victim can no longer terminate the organism growing in them. This puts their life at risk, physically and mentally. Part of the fight is how do we give more meaning to one life than another? Well that’s exactly what this law has done.

So is this a new world or are we reverting to the old world? Each of us will view this differently and no one’s feelings mean less than the other.

How can we find the positive in a situation like this? It’s hard, but we have to remember what was accomplished in the past. We have to fight for what ever we feel is right and believe it can be accomplished. We as a society are facing hard times, but it can be beaten and we can prosper.

I do believe that we will all have equal rights one day. I do believe we will all have freedom one day. It’s 2019 not 1819 we all have a voice and we can use it to bring happiness and peace to all. Life isn’t black and white or cut and dry (what ever saying you want to use). Everyone has the right to believe in what they think is right. So stop judging others and fight for everyone’s right and try to live your best life.

Xoxo

Charlotte

With various autoimmune diseases when things get worse we call it a flare. You might have heard MS warrior Selma Blair refer to it as exasperation. It doesn’t matter what we call it, the toll it takes on us is the same.

Our bodies begin to attack themselves. It could be MS, Parkinson’s, Lupus, vasculitis, fibromyalgia or diabetes, just to name a few. For many of these flares include extreme fatigue, brain fog, pain, insomnia, depression and more.

The fatigue is more than just being tired, it is sleeping 20 hours a day and barely being able to function. This was me the past few weeks.

Brain fog, for me and many others it’s not just forgetting a few things, it’s literally forgetting words. My memory draws blanks, I can’t form words or even think of the word I need. I definitely can’t remember anything.

For me pain typically starts in my feet, with a burning sensation. My feet literally feel on fire. It hurts to walk, to have anything touch them. Then various joints, tendons and even muscles start to hurt.

Now I’m in a stage of insomnia, but don’t think all the other symptoms have gone away. They are still here and increasing. All I want to do is sleep, but I can’t. Every move hurts, and I can’t get comfortable no matter what.

One thing about people with autoimmune diseases, we frequently hide how we feel. So to see us, you might just think we are moving a little slower, but you’d never guess every step is excruciating. It’s our lives and we learn to live with the ups and downs. We don’t give up and are stronger than you know. We are fighters.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, we never know what someone else is going through. So be kind, be patient, and show love. The person taking a little longer to order a coffee might be just trying to live their best life.

Xoxo

Charlotte

This weekend I experienced pure unaltered joy. Nothing particular happened, it was just a great weekend. We spent most of it at dance competition again. As usual this time of the year.

My daughter is having some shoulder issues, but still gave her all to her team. Although there were a few tears of pain (from a few dancers with injuries). They all did amazing. It’s always a treat to watch them.

Sunday was a long twelve hour day and also mother’s Day. Our dance studio held an annual BBQ during the lunch break. It was amazing to visit and relax with other parents.

Today I’m very sore as well. With chronic illness you have to watch not to over do things. Unfortunately as a mom, we can’t always listen. I needed to be a cheerleader this weekend and yeah my voice is pretty horse today too.

I’m blessed with an amazing husband. The past five months he’s been working harder than ever. He had this Saturday and Sunday off and has been dealing with a a foot issue for a few weeks. Anyways he decided to stay home Sunday, get some rest and fix my car. I don’t think he got much rest though. He did all the laundry, changed the bedding, vacuumed and mopped as well as did the dishes and garbage. All so that I didn’t have to worry about it after a busy weekend.

Sometimes it’s nice to just sit back and realize all the joy we have in our lives. I’ve been truely feeling it and seeing it lately. This helps me to live my best life.

Xoxo

Charlotte

Today Shawnee and I picked up her friend for dance competition. I can’t even explain how happy it makes me that she’s found such a kind and caring friend. We are so blessed to have such a kind hearted girl in our lives. Her family is pretty great too.

See my daughter like me, is pretty introverted. She suffers from social anxiety, and although the sweetest kid, finds it difficult to let others in. She used to commonly say how she didn’t have any friends. She had a few people she talked too, but they weren’t close.

Now this year at dance she connected with another girl and she’s a totally different person. The kindness this young woman has shown Shawnee has helped her grow. The two of them go to support their team even when they don’t dance, they help teach younger students and help with props. Their kindness (like many of the dancers there) shines.

Both girls turned 16 this week, just one day apart from eachother. Later this month we are having a small get together to celebrate. This will be the first time for my daughter in years. She’s never enjoyed having attention on her, and truely never felt close enough to others to have birthday parties.

This might seem so small or like normal teenage angst, but it really is life changing. Most of all their support and kindness to others is contagious. I for one am so happy to see so many amazing young girls and boys at one dance studio. These kids spread happiness all the time and I adore them.

The point to all this is to show that we never really know what another struggles with internally. A little kindness and caring can change a person’s life. Do your best to spread and accept kindness and live your best life.

XoxoCharlotte

For those of you that don’t know, I’m blessed to live in Canada. We have universal healthcare here. What that means is doctors, urgent care, hospital visits, blood work, diagnostic imaging and such is payed for through our taxes. We don’t have to have medical insurance, we don’t have co-pays or anything like that. Frequently we complain about wait times and some services that frustrate us. Today I’m reflecting on how blessed we really are. Having a chronic illness I spend lots of time in medical facilities. I’m so glad I don’t have to pay everytime I walk through the door. This week alone between myself and my daughter we have had two walk in visits, two x-rays, three ultrasounds, and blood work. By the end of the week we can add two more PCP (primary care physician) visits. I don’t even want to think of what it would cost us if we had to pay for all that. Frequently I hear friends and family talk about the cost of health care in the USA. I can’t even comprehend this. Last night I watched New Amsterdam and this was a major focus of the episode. A patient came in and when asked when he hadn’t been seen sooner, he replied that he couldn’t afford it. Medical care in my opinion is a basic necessity to life, its not something only the wealthy deserve. So today as I sit in a medical office writing this, I will be grateful for the health care I have. Even if you are one of my readers that doesn’t have medical care like I do, please find a point in it that you are grateful for, even if it’s that your co-pay is only $25 or that their is a public clinic you can be seen at. Most of all remember to live your best life.XoxoCharlotte

Every now and then I share steps I use to living my best life, manifesting my dreams and staying positive. Each step is important and honestly, there is no real order to do them, do what’s best for you.

Today’s step for me is surrounding myself with great people. We’ve heard it since we were kids. It’s not how many friends we have, it’s the quality of friends we have. Friends that are supportive, happy and just good people help us to feel good.

Shawnee (my middle child) had dance competition this post weekend. I absolutely adore the other dance families. We don’t typically hang out away from dance, but they are such amazing people. I feel blessed to know them.

Now this weekend I joked with one family that they would be my future in-laws. Obviously I’m not arranging marriage for my sixteen year old. What I mean is that my dreams for her future is to find an amazing family and significant other like this family. Something we all want for our kids. I want all three of my kids to have a blessed life, someone that is their friend, partner and supports them in all their dreams.

The support that all the dancers get from all the other dance families at our studio amazes me. The little kids cheer on the big kids, the big kids cheer on the little kids. Mostly the parents cheer on every dancer, the parents drive the kids to cheer even if they don’t have to be there. It’s really a beautiful thing.

Surrounding ourselves with great people, help us to be great people. It makes you happy, makes your heart feel good and helps us to be happy. After all happiness is the key to a good life.

Shawnee wanted to stay and cheer on her team in the finals, even though she wasn’t dancing. Unfortunately I was not feeling my best and didn’t think I could stay longer. One of these amazing families I talk about drove her home so that I could leave earlier and go rest. A few years ago I had major surgery days before competition. I went the first day, and it wasn’t good. For the remainder of the competition, dance families took turns driving my girls to and from for me. They endured they were there, ready and had snacks or meals for the day. To top it off one family brought us dinners for the entire week. I couldn’t have made it through without these families. My husband was away at work, my family lives in another city and couldn’t come. I didn’t have to worry because our dance family took care of us. And always remember to give back to others when and where you can.

Find the amazing people in your life and together you can ask live your best life.

Xoxo

Charlotte

This weekend we’re back at dance competition. Last night a group of 10 year olds danced to Lady Gaga. One boy in the group stood out and shined. He was so into the dance, I couldn’t take my eyes off him and even had me dancing in my seat. This kid was up on stage living his best life, loving it and performing like no other. He totally stole my heart.

I like to think I’m a free spirt. I like to have fun, enjoy life and laugh. A song comes on I like and I dance in my seat. I sing badly whenever I can. Seeing this kid on stage was like seeing a piece of myself.

So often we hold back out of fear of what others may think of us. I think we should all be more like this little boy and let our inner Gaga out. Have fun, enjoy life, be a goof and laugh. Most of all have fun living your best life.

Xoxo

Charlotte